The years go on, the anniversaries pass. As routines get more and more established, the spontaneity and newness of your relationship can wear thin. While this mostly provides comfort and happiness, it can also lead to boredom, especially in the bedroom.
Fortunately, there are answers to how to have better sex in marriage and keep the passion going.
One of the biggest ways to have better sex is simply to start having sex. For many couples, it can be easy to lose time and energy for sex, especially with competing demands of home, jobs and kids. Scheduling a time for sex gets you both on the same page, and allows each of you to carve out time, prepare, and get in the right mindset.
And while it may not seem romantic, experts say it helps couples eliminate other stressors of their lives, like deadlines or chores, so that they’re more open to sex and spending time together.
Get in front of any issues.
Another secret to how to have better sex in marriage is to treat any root causes that may be impairing your relationship, your sex drive, or your ability to perform. Stress, resentment or hidden anger and frustration can make sex with your partner the furthest thing from your mind. This, in turn, reduces intimacy, creating more resentment, which starts a vicious cycle. To manage this, take the time to talk about any issues you may be having and reconnect for the good of your relationship and your sex life.
Also, if you think there’s more going on—physically, emotionally, or mentally—make an appointment with your doctor. He or she can determine if you’re experiencing low testosterone or erectile dysfunction, or other health issues that could be compromising not just your sexual health, but your overall well-being. From there, you can move toward solutions to feel better and improve your sex life.
Take the emphasis off sex.
Another way to have better sex may seem counterintuitive: It’s to take the focus off of sex. Sex is much more than just foreplay and intercourse. It’s also about intimacy, quality time together, and reconnecting in the ways your relationship began. You can establish closeness in other ways such as planning a trip, taking a class together, or reinstating date night. You may find that the communication and playfulness that comes from these activities goes far in igniting your passion again.
Try something new.
Finally, a great tactic for how to have better sex in marriage is experimenting. Try a game of role playing or an “adult” novelty game. Test out a new position or explore other ways to build arousal before you even get to the bedroom, like dirty talk, love notes, or sexting.
Once in the bedroom, consider introducing an adult toy, such as a penis pump. While an ED pump can be a treatment for erectile dysfunction, it can also be a way to create new sensations in your arousal and erection. The penis ring that is typically used in conjunction with the pump can be used on its own to maintain and strengthen an erection and prolong orgasm. There are also penis rings that are designed to stimulate partners during intercourse as well.
The bottom line: Sex after so many years can get (and feel) routine. And while the longevity and comfort can be beneficial in other areas of your life, in the bedroom it’s normal to want to bring back some passion and newness. Fortunately, there are ways to restore the intrigue and make things sexy again. To learn more, browse our blogs, and download our free book, How to Have Better Sex No Matter Your Age.