The days pass, the weeks pass. Heck, even the months can pass. Before you know it, you can’t remember the last time you had sex. Stressors of today combined with a diminishing sex drive—for both of you—can make the time go by as you slowly lose intimacy, connection, and sexual health benefits. But it’s never too late, and the most important way to start having sex again is simply to start. These tips for getting over a sex drought can help.
Understanding why it’s been so long
First, it’s important to address any underlying reasons for your inactivity. Are you harboring resentment in your relationship? Are you experiencing stress or anxiety about work, kids, your current situation or the future? How is your self‑esteem right now? Perhaps you’re out of shape or carrying a few extra pounds. Take the time to dig deep about what’s going on and what has hampered your sex life. By not sweeping things under the rug and getting to the heart of the sex drought, you can take steps to heal your relationship, manage stress, or get into a fitness routine. The trick is not to put it off, but tackle the situation head on.
If you find you’ve been putting off sex based on performance issues, take the opportunity to tackle those as well. Remember, stress or anxiety can trigger erectile dysfunction. In addition, having a few “off nights” before the sex drought can result in fear and avoidance. Again, the important thing to do is get out in front of the situation. Waiting for it to go away on its own will not help matters, and it can wreak havoc on your relationship and intimacy. It can even leave your partner shrouded in feelings of inadequacy or fear that you are no longer attracted to them.
Instead, figure out what’s going on. Consult your doctor to assess your health and address any risk factors for ED, such as high cholesterol, high blood pressure, or experiencing a side effect from medications. From there, know that there are many strategies for how to get an erection naturally, such as quitting smoking, eating a healthy diet, shedding extra weight, and getting regular exercise. There are also natural remedies like acupuncture, stress relief, or herbs and supplements. What’s essential is to stay positive. Erectile dysfunction is common and treatable, and it is not a sign of a permanent sex drought.
How to start again
Once you have uncovered any root causes for your abstinence, experts say these tips can help break the ice with your partner.
Get in the mood. When you are planning to reengage, don’t jump in cold. Spend some time before the big act to start thinking sexual thoughts, reading or watching something arousing, or reigniting your sexual interest.
Be realistic. Reconnecting after a dry spell can mean some awkward moments. Be open, communicate and cut both your partner and you some slack.
Know that part way is okay. Also remember that having sex again doesn’t have to mean all‑night sessions and multiple orgasms. Ease into things slowly and stop when you want to or need to.
Get back in action
The best way to get over a sex drought is to just to relax and go for it. The sooner you start, the sooner the drought will be over. It can be as simple as reigniting old feelings, or it can involve introducing a new tool that will help you achieve the best erections of your life (learn more in our free ebook below). Whatever is needed, it is worth taking that step for intimacy, for closeness, and for your overall health.