More than anything, marriage is about commitment, forgiveness, and compromising. So, for many married couples, dissatisfaction about their sex lives is not a deal-breaker. And many couples are distracted with busy lives and schedules, so they often don’t realize how little they’re actually making time for sex. If you’re wondering whether you need to reignite a sexless marriage, a first step is to take stock of your current situation.
Considering these questions can help.
Do you really need to reignite a sexless marriage?
You may think frequency is down, but that doesn’t mean you’re celibate. Of course you have sex. But the key is: How often? Sources say a sexless marriage is defined as less than 10 times a year, or less than once per month. This means that, to some, little sex is the same as no sex.
Are you up to fixing it?
You could be coping with a sexless marriage because you know you should do something about it, but you just don’t have the energy. You could be too tired, stressed, or overwhelmed to want to do anything about it. Perhaps you know you will someday, but just not now. And neither you nor your partner is making it an urgent issue.
How do you feel about yourself?
There’s no better way to not “be in the mood” than having low self-confidence and a poor body image. If you’ve neglected eating right and working out, or you’ve gained a little weight, you may not feel your best. And the last thing you want to do is get undressed and be seen or touched.
Is it on your to-do list?
You may think: All is not lost because we’re still trying to connect physically. You may say that “this” will be the night, or the weekend, or the trip when it’s going to happen. But then as the time draws nearer, anticipation does not build, and desire does not increase. No one ends up making a move and another opportunity passes.
Are there too many other things on your to-do list?
This lack of prioritizing doesn’t mean you don’t love your partner or that you want out of the marriage. Most of the time it’s just because you have a million other things on your mind: Kids, work, finances, and other life stressors. It can be just plain difficult to reignite a sexless marriage when there are so many competing things that need your attention.
If you’re experiencing any of these things, stop and evaluate what’s going on. Coping with a sexless marriage may be fine for the short-term, but it can lead to long-term issues. Moreover, a sexual relationship is not the only thing–but it’s an important thing–when it comes to establishing intimacy and closeness.
It is possible to have better sex no matter your age. The first step is to assess your situation and take action. Learn more about how to improve married sex here. And for more ideas for how to reignite a sexless marriage, download our free ebook 25 Sex Tips to Make You Both Feel 25 Again.